I would like to think I helped in the decision making process by listening to my daughter sort out the positives and negatives of the schools she was considering.  I gave opinions but not comments such as "don't go to that school because".  Be a good listener while they talk through their concerns.  They need to find the school that will be the best fit for them (not for you).  You need to have confidence in your child that they will make the right decision for what is best for them.

I'm sure that your child got to this point with a clear goal in mind and they know what is best in terms of what each school can do for them academically.  Just support them and their decision and let them know that you are there for them throughout the whole process.

Now that you know for sure what your options are, making that final decision is tough. This is probably the first really big decision your son or daughter has had to make in their young lives, and as a parent the temptation to make this decision for them is overwhelming but please remember it is NOT your decision to make!

      At this stage you have presumably helped with college visits, reminded your child (more than once!) about application deadlines, reviewed essays. Now all you can do is listen, ask some questions, basically just help your child sort out in their own mind the pros & cons of their final selection.

     You may find out that your son or daughter already has their mind made up but has not said so out loud - this is where asking questions helps them to think out loud. Other times, they may just need to hear some of the practicalities ("you know, you really are not a winter person & they get a lot of snow" or "it's a long way from home, you won't be able to get home very often - are you okay with that?").

Good Luck!

I remember my dad was willing to pay for airfare and what not to visit my top choices.  In the end, I decided not to go because I was studying for AP exams, but the offer was very generous.  I believe the best thing my parents did for me in terms of helping me decide was to encourage making pro/con lists.  I doubted the method initially, but in the end, that's the reason why I chose Hopkins over the other schools.  

P.S. Now that I've worked at many Open Houses and spoke with countless prospective students, I would highly encourage going to Open Houses.  They're really helpful because students can speak to real undergraduates and get a sense for the school.  Parents should really push the offer to travel around and get the feel for schools! :)

My mom did play a role in me choosing Hopkins.

I couldn't apply anywhere not on the East Coast, because for our family specifically, me being too far would be too much for us to handle. So I kept my schools to the East Coast. The only how I would have applied anywhere farther is if there was some program I REALLY REALLY wanted in a faraway school, or if some faraway school had programs where I could get full tuition, room and board and stipend.

She encouraged me to apply places where I know I could get good money, because money is another huge issue for us...we can't take out loans and we can only pay a tiny amount out of pocket. So I applied places that offered crazy scholarships. I applied to Hopkins because if I got in, I would be a Baltimore Scholar, which I am [full tuition all 4 years]. My mom and I share the unpopular view that going into crazy debt for a certain school is, well crazy. We believed I'd excel wherever I went so splurging on one school wasn't a good idea, to us.

This really helped me, because I am so indecisive. My mom listened to me complain and compare, and eventually gave me a deadline [before the May 1st one] to choose a school. If she hadn't, I would have been thinking about a school to choose up until May 1, hehe....   :rolleyes:

But, like others have said...the best thing to do is NOT pressure your child into choosing a school that YOU want him/her to go to. If he/she gets into some huge name school, but decided he/she wants to go to University of __________, I say let them make that choice.

That being said, I say encourage them to choose based on academic programs of interest, opportunities, etc...and not because their boyfriend is going or they 'heard' something about said school.

Sorry that was so long!   B)

I can't believe it's that time of year again... I feel like I just recovered from the whole admissions process! I think the most important thing we as parents can do during this decision process is be supportive. Encourage campus visits and learn as much as possible about all the schools your child is interested in. If possible, over night visits really help prospective students get a feel for campus life.

I am going to bring this topic back to life!  :)
As a high school senior, my parents never passed judgment on where I wanted to apply.  It was totally up to me as to what schools to apply.  Cost was definitely a factor, but we somehow reached a compromise on how school would be paid for.  In the end, it was my sole decision to come to Hopkins.  I had to, of course, ask my parents permission to sign the early decision form, but it was through my searching and my ambition that I arrived at Hopkins.  When I was accepted early decision, my mom told me that she would be just as happy if I went to some community college in Minnesota than if I went to Hopkins.  Of course, I believe that a school like Hopkins is a better academic fit for me, but there is something very consoling about the fact that my parents are proud and supportive of me no matter what I do or where I go.  My dad was so proud of me when I got into Hopkins because I had achieved a goal that I really wanted, not because he wanted me to go to some elite school.  He told me before I took the SAT that I should go into it not caring because if I just believe that it doesn't matter, I could do better than if I stressed myself out.  I don't think a lot of parents think like this, but I am so thankful that they looked upon college in this way.  It really helped me become more independent and figure out what I want.

In my opinion, the decision of higher education should not rest on one person; college affects the entire family, so everyone should have a say.

When I was looking at schools, everyone in my family seemed to have a different concern.

Sis: "Chicago is too far away.  Plus, it snows a lot; you'll get stranded and miss Christmas.  You can't go there."

Mom: "You got your acceptance to Hopkins, why are you even CONSIDERING other schools?  All my friends at work say you should pick Hopkins."

Dad: "These schools are expensive... how comfortable are you with loans?"

At times I felt like no one was on my side and that I would be disappointing someone no matter where I chose.  In the end, I made an intricate series of pro/con lists and had a lengthy family meeting where we weighed our options.  There was some give and take, but in the end everyone was satisfied.

My advice to parents is to stay informed.  You are the ones paying for the education, so your input is entirely warranted; just do your best to not be pushy and overbearing but still communicate that you want the best for your kid.

Whenever we went to visit a school, my mom never hesitated to let me know if she really couldn't see me attending that school.  Usually I agreed with her, but whenever I was on the fence about certain schools, having her opinion after the campus tours really helped.  When I finally started to narrow my top choices down to Hopkins and a few schools that were 5-6 hours away from home, she talked about some of the advantages of being close to home, which really made me lean toward Hopkins.  As it turns out, being close to home has been nice, so I'm glad she brought the distance factor to my attention during the college search process.

Sarah - the distance thing was big for me! I knew I wanted to be on the east coast, and although I did apply to the UCs, it was slightly grudgingly.

My parents and I had a good balance during the process. My mother visited all the schools with me, and she'd made her own notes. She also saw (and remembered my various reactions) at schools, so she was a valuable source of information later. I never felt pressured to attend any specific school, but I was certainly nudged to look at certain schools.

I think it's also important to ask questions just to raise different issues/consider other sorts of schools.

Also - don't make disparaging comments about schools being considered/even being mentioned. As much as teenagers hate to admit it, we really do value parental opinion, and that may wrongly sway us/make us less inclined to look at a place that's more of a fit for us.

Stay informed/learn what the process is like! Even if you did go to college in this country, things have definitely changed! If you never went to college/went in another country, there's a lot to learn about the American college process, and understanding it better will give you a better glimpse of what your child is going through.

Lastly, stay positive! As much as you/your kid may think the world will end if they don't go to College X, it won't, and chances are, your kid will end up somewhere wonderful for them!

Good luck in the search process!